I realised today my pupils are fully dilated, I notice this yesterday.
I did some research this morning and got my answer. I have the highest level of Autism level 3, you can research this on google.
A couple of examples
In July 2019, I was given responsibility to become a Support Worker for one to one care for a little boy called Theo who was 3 at the time, the reason I was given this gift to see Theo, for 6 months at YMCA was because his fellow therapists thought he needed that one to one, in order to thrive and they weren’t wrong. Me and Theo met and I felt an instant warmth, he took my hand and showed me all his toys around the room he played in. The staff in the room explained that Harpreet, he has never done this to anyone, we are shocked. I always use to think, why did we have such a special connection? was it because, he had autism, I had never done this role before ever, in my whole 12 years of working in the childcare sector, I didn’t have a degree, I was just given this role by my employer, she saw something in me, no one else could handle him, not even his own mum, it was only me. She would say Harpreet, how do you understand what he needs? how do you know what he wants? how can I not see, what you see? I said I don’t know Natalie, but I love him, like my own son, that’s all I know.
In November 2019, I got blessed to retake Amrit (the holy water that Sikhs are given to become one with the Guru) again, as Sikhs, we believe that this is the nectar of our very souls. And I never lost sight of my divine creator. They are the creator, they are the destroyer, they are the giver and they are the taker.
Next to me sat a young British white Sikh lady, we sat together whilst the ceremony was taken place, why did we meet I thought, was it because God wanted us to meet. Her name was blessed to be given by the panj payare (the five beloved ones) she was to be called from this day forth, Prabhjot Kaur, she was ecstatic and so was I, we laughed and talked and she explained, I have never talked to strangers, as I am very weary, but I feel so comfortable around you, like I’ve known you for years. ” I hear that alot” she explained “wow, it really is a God send we met” We instantly exchanged numbers, I went to also meet her in her hometown, and she said, “I have a gift for you”. “I said “what is it”. She said ” just something I really wanted to give you to remind you of me”. She said “everytime you look at it, you will remember me”. She took it out and I have never experienced, such an emotional wamrth, love and humitly, that someone who, I’ve only effectively known for 2 weeks, is given me this, I just felt extremely blessed. It was a glass frame no bigger than a small wooden box. Inside the glass, there was a Kara this represents (an iron bracelet wore by all Sikhs). She had glued it onto the square sealed boxed frame and in the kara, she wrote in pen, a million times vaheguru (our divine creators name) “I said wow just wow” I was instantly taken back, I hugged and cried and said “never in my life, have I ever been given such a precious gift, of such high value and with this, I will guard this with my life I promise you and now and forevermore, I have a piece of you too. Prabhjot is gifted with many gifts, she makes her own indian suits, she sews, is an incredible cook, she makes something out of nothing, she is gifted beyond belief and never stops believing in her true abilities. For the short time I knew her, she was truly born to stand out from the crowd, as are we all.
Prabhjot has now left my life now, today I would just like to express to you all, how she affected my life, and I too saw a reflection of myself in her, a greatness and radiance that she holds her head up high and wears our Gurujee crown, when she walks along the streets of Guildford. She calls herself “The Singhni of Guildford” as she is the only Sikh in this area. Prabhjot was a beautiful soul, who I met in the most unlikely of places, but I knew in my heart, I really wanted to speak to her. I really wanted to know more, she was a true Gursikh. She was full of life and I was instantly drawn too her and with her Khalsa roop (pure embodiment of our Gurus image) a fun fact for you all, Sikhs believe in keeping every part of their kes (hair) we do not cut our hair from any part of our body. Prabhjot would let her kes flow.
Prabhjot glowed and had radiance, if you are reading this my love, you are an incredible soul, that touched my soul, in more ways than one, I will never forgot you.
So I realised, why I could relate to her so much, because when we got speaking, she revealed to me she had autism.
I never knew I had this condition, if you want to call it that, until I noticed my pupils, yesterday, you can chose to beleive me or not that is up to you, but I knew I felt it, that I always lacked something in my capibitlies, as which ultimately it started as a child and led me to think in this way, I bet you anything once my mum reads this, she will call me and say this is just absolutely ridiculous, there has never been anything wrong with you, you are my baby and I love you, mum’s eh they are the best at making you feel better 😊. But that’s ok, I know how I feel and that is all that matters to me. I could relate to Prabhjot so much, because I understood her world and the way her thought process worked.
When I was a child, I couldn’t add properly, math become my ekillies heel (I’m not even sure that is spept correctly, but hope you all know what I mean lol), my weakness, all through my life, I believed, I had learning difficulties and ultimately, I let myself down on a daily basis.
Through no fault of anyone, I felt I got left behind in my abilities, especially in my studies, because I wasn’t the smartest in the room, no one saw me. I would get picked last for sports or picked last for for various plays or just not thrive to the best of my ability, academically and I knew in my heart of hearts, that something was wrong with me, but at that time no one, was going to pick on it, not even health professionals, because no one back, then had heard of autism, or they thought who would ever know that anything was wrong at that time, or effectively picked up on it.
I had a variety of help from teachers, for my learning. I was never in the top of my class. Back in the day, yes I’m old lol, I would question, the teacher and say, I need help please, miss I can’t add or I haven’t got the answer or I can’t read this very well. And she would say that’s ok Harpreet, you will get there when you get there, I accepted that, as we were a class of 30, so hey that’s ok. I will get my help later, but it never came. I remember when I was little, my mum bless her heart, would get frustrated, because she would say Harpreet, why can you not add that simple sum, “I said I’m so sorry” inside, I felt I was letting her down, I thought, I don’t even know such a simple sum, I didn’t even know, why I couldn’t do it, but hey I would try my best and that would be enough for me.
We had 3 groups at school, as they worked on a group system back then, like colours or levels either red being high group , blue being middle group and yellow being low group. I was always in the medium group, being blue or the yellow group, being bottom.
I could never understand, why I would never be in red, I always wanted to be, in the red group and would cry in myself that I want to be red, I want to be like the smartest people in the room, but I never was, not even my own Mother, knew maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, but hey that was ok. As I will still do the best of my ability. As time went on I carried on with life. I did what I had to do.
My life right now
Now fast forward to my now, I am 34 years of age and realise I have had so much suffering, good and bad, as with the good, comes the bad, like a tipping of scales, you have to have a true balance, but honestly hand on my heart, can say my life is incredible, with God’s grace, I follow them and they guide me through the day, I trust in them and they will never fail me, and I will never fail them, they always have a plan. I have been so grateful for it.
By the way I forgot to mention, I am a family of 6, so I have 5 sisters including me, I am the oldest and I know it sucks a little as, I always felt a massive responsibility weighted on my shoulders, I always felt, I had to be a massive role model for them all. But hey that was ok, because I will do the best of my ability to take care of my family, because I love them so dearly.
I have an incredible brother too, and I am 14 years older than him, yes 14 years older! Lol. He was a God send, as he is one of the most cleverest people I know, so much ambition and drive, not saying my parents, other siblings or my brother in laws and neices and nephews, didn’t have this, as I see greatness in each and every one of my family members, they are all who God intended them to be, their true selves, but I could just see, so much of myself in him. So much I wanted to become, he was like my role model, just a younger version of myself, like looking in a mirror.
I had an awakening a few weeks ago, where by God gave my purpose back to me, so I could help others, see them for them, just be an ear to listen and hold them tight if need be, just to give them a little hope that everything will be alright. I learnt that, you don’t have to be family in order to help others, we may look different from the outside, but effectively we all bleed the same. Once you see that light yourself and how brightly it glows, you will see that light in all.
Disabled people and children
I also connect with disabled adults and children, and learnt through a volunteering program, called “Music man” how much I am drawn to them, like there is no tomorrow, I’m drawn to their vulnerability, they are beautiful pure souls, their innocence and the way they shine, regardless of what others think of them.
That’s ultimately who I reflect my true self in, as I want to be free, just like they are. Not worrying about what others think about them, I’ve always known I would achieve greatness, always known, I am a strong women with many gifts, it just took me a long time to realise, what these exact abilities were, some of these are given below.
Gifts I have managed to unlock so far are:
I realised I am a fantastic writer, I have the ability to compose stories out of nothing. I am an amazing poetry writer and can write something for you in two seconds. I so intelligent beyond compare where by, when I speak I can articulate, my flow of sentence structure it is incredible, by this I mean I can write my own lawyers letters lol. I have the ability to care for people, as well as myself beyond comprehension. I continue to unlock more of my minds capabilities because they are endless everyday.
They say we adopt certain characteristics from our parents well I believe here are mine:
I am determined and this is a trait, I get from my Mother, she has been through so much hardship and whilst Dad was at work earning the pennies to give us all the incredible life we have today, I watched my mum effectively suffer at the hands of others. But never bound herself to people, she taught me to let go of others and be the person you want to become, no matter what others saw or how they treated you. She is the most beautiful, courageous women I know. She is my rock and my best friend, she is my soulmate.
Both my parents are so loving and caring to others, and would do anything for anyone. I believe again traits I process from them.
My ability to speak for Scotland lol, chatting to random strangers, yes I have the gift of the gab, as they say and I get this ultimately from my Father, he is so warm, loving, relaxed and continually making jokes, even in the most serious of times, to brighten even the cloudest of days and chats to everyone.
My parents have been married for 35 years and I hope I too am one day, just as happy as they are, their secret unconditional love for each other.
I love my parents so much for given me life. For guiding me each and everyday, for helping me see that life can be hard, and we will always get knocked down, but pick yourself up, brush yourself off and look to a brighter future, it can only get better.
A credit to them both, as hand on my heart, I would never ever, have been half the women, I am today if it wasn’t for them. They never gave up on me, they never wanted to see me fall, to see me fail. I love you both with all my heart. And yes we don’t tend to say I love you very much to our loved ones, I’m not sure why really, as it is a beautiful word, that should be expressed every single day.
3 months premature
I forgot to mention, I was also born 3 months premature and ultimately put my abilities down, too this. I blamed myself for being 3 months premature, because I have had to play catch up all my life to everyone else. As I grasp everything, so much slower, and that has been my weakness, as well as my strength.
So here I am sharing my story and it’s not all about me and what I want to become and where I want to go, because I already have this.
It is about me seeing my truth and sharing this with the world, being able to show them they have the same inner truths.
Life is not limitless, we have power beyond measure and should never be blind to what we can achieve, and what others think of this. You are who you are and I am who I am, we have endless opportunities, as well as endless possibilities.
The world is your oyster, how hard are you willing to work to get it. I will show the world this, until my last breath. I want the world to say, when I’m gone, we remember Harpreet Khalsa, shout my name from the roof tops and say, she was a beautiful soul, and she made a difference in my life and this world.
If you liked my post, please like and share and feel free to comment, because I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. You do not know who’s life, you can be effecting, by sharing your stories, speaking is a beautiful thing, let’s not silence our voices, as we are all suffering in one way or another, it’s just about choosing which way you want to utilise the skills you have, to make a difference in the world. Changing the world one day at a time. Sending you all my love and energy during this time. May we all achieve greatness. xxxx❤xxxxx